Wednesday, January 18, 2012


Okay so, I think it's actually starting to hit me that I'm going away soon. 20 days left in town. Nine work days left. Where did the time go?

Not that I'm complaining all that much, I've been ready to leave this place since I moved back here nearly two years ago. But that's beside the point. Despite being constantly torn between emotions,  I am never able to talk myself out of it. I can't help but feel like this is my last chance to figure everything out. Figure myself out. What I want from life, for myself. Where I'm supposed to be. What I'm meant to be doing.

Shouldn't I know all that by now? I never pictured at 24 I'd be so lost.

As my final days before this journey dwindle away more quickly than the previous, I find myself feeling more and more sad. That's normal though, right? But I've done it before, shouldn't I be used to leaving by now? To saying goodbye? I think overall I hate growing attached to people because I know that I don't plan on staying. And so when it does happen, I don't know what to do. I thought I was better at keeping myself guarded. I've only been at my current job five months and I'm really going to miss those people.

But people phase in and out of your life all the time. Some will always be there for you. Most won't. It is what it is. I'm really bad at being a hit and run kind of person. I don't like staying at any one place for longer than necessary. I don't like getting attached.

I think that's one of the things that I found appealing about Americorps. It's 10 months and then 'see-ya later!'.  That's really just one small thing, though. There's so much I'm looking forward to in the next 10 months. The things we'll do. Places we'll go. Lives we'll change.

It's going to be one helluva year.

[And this was a lot of rambling. I think I'm being overly emotional and trying to not think about getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow.]

Hopefully next time I'll have my flight itinerary!  (:

"And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you."

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